I hear your panic but I can't help wondering just how badly you want to save your marriage. You describe the afternoon you spent with your husband's brother as 'amazing' but there's no mention of regret or remorse.

You mention the BROTHER'S shame but say nothing of your own. This leads me to suspect that it's your life you're hoping to hold onto and not necessarily the man you married. If your husband gets to hear about your peccadillo, it will rock the foundations of your existence. There will be anger, bitterness, maybe separation and divorce, friends will get involved, families will be divided (especially as it was a close relative you slept with) and everyone but everyone will hold, and probably express, an opinion about you and your indiscretion - and all of this will have a massive bearing on you. Of course you know all this - you're your dreading it, and with good reason. But, is this the same as wanting to save your marriage? I think not, though I'd happily stand corrected. So how should you proceed from here? Clearly I can't be your conscience in this business. I can't urge you to confess to your husband (though there's nothing in your letter to suggest you're thinking of doing so). And I certainly can't influence your brother-in-law's decision to 'fess up. And neither can you. This is in the hands of your brother-in-law alone. So why don't you push this worry to one side for now. Fretting over this man's next move is eating away at you and it will gobble you up if you let it. I know it's hard, but try to use your mind more constructively.

You could ask yourself, for instance, if there's anything in your marriage that you'd like to save. Try to remember how things used to be between you and your husband before he lost his job. Was the sex good? Was the guy fun to be with? Did you love each other? If so (brother-in-law's confession notwithstanding), is there anything you could do to recapture some of the magic of those times? Here's something else you might want to ask yourself: have you given the marriage your best shot? We all hope our life partners will be kind and supportive when our luck runs out - have you been there for your man? Do you feel you've tried your hardest to be loving and understanding during his miserable months of unemployment? Perhaps you'll decide that no, you haven't been the encouraging, tolerant wife you wish you'd been, and maybe this is something you'd like to remedy now. Or is it simply too late to fix this ailing marriage? Only you (and your brother-in-law) can decide.